The Things I Learn, pt 1

I am a very slow learner. It takes me years to grasp emotional concepts like attachment, devotion, commitment. I believe it is because I am a thinker generally, though when I feel, I feel deeply. I am like a tree. I have this mind, like branches and leaves, that sticks out there, that people can see, that I can see. Then there is what I consider my core, the trunk. Then I get to my roots, my emotions, my histories, my heart. It is this vast network of arteries and capillaries, veins and life. I rarely know what is going on down in my root system. You might be surprised at how much I surprise myself when I find out what I am feeling.

I have spent years to even get as far as I have connecting my head and my heart, and still I feel like I am still so stunted in my ability to understand what and how I feel.

Then sometimes, the light goes on inside me and everything that has been so elusive, so painfully nebulous comes into sharp focus and I see. I understand.