I just need a song

I am working now. I am attempting the travel business again. We'll see how it goes.

I got off work today, standing at my bus stop I decided to hang out in the Square for a while. I was just feeling some stuff.

I bought myself a small latte and sat next to the waterfall fountains and drowned out the noise of downtown for a while. Knitting, of course. Because knitting is what I do now.

As I sat there I watched various people, and there are a varied bunch on the square, I felt this ache, this groan of prayer come from somewhere deep inside. At one point I literally thought about standing up right where I was and singing at the top of my lungs because I couldn't take it anymore. I figured that no one would hear me above the roar of the waterfalls and I didn't know what to sing anyway. (maybe one day I won't have these dismissive thoughts and I'll actually do something that nuts) I just sat there and prayed inside of myself. Not really even sure what I was praying. It's like that verse in Romans (I think) about the Spirit inside of us helping us with groanings too deep for words because we can't utter them. That is how intense it felt.

Everytime I am on the Square I feel this. I decided to go home because I wanted to worship so bad. I am desparate for a piano to play here. We have a keyboard at the house, but it is not the same. Anyway, I get on the bus and it's like this vacuum for feeling. You are smushed together with dozens of people trying to breathe and you miss something about your heart on the way home. It almost feels like this thing lifted once we got out of the downtown area. So by the time I get home I'm not so achy. I ended up telling my housemate that I was in desperate need to worship and as it turns out, so was she. So we did. It was dry and not real refreshing. I felt like I was trying to hard or something. I don't know how to not just go to my default when I worship.

Anyway, all that to say. I am hopeful that Jesus is on His way to showing me about his heart for the poor and the fatherless in this city. I can't escape it. It has gripped me in a way that not much in my life has up to this point. I am scared and excited about this season coming up. These are the city streets he's been calling me into for the last 5 years of my life. I'm going to find him here. In the eyes of the broken, the fatherless, the prostitute, the stinky. I am them. He is mine, that makes me me, and them me.

Pray for me to be brave. To be "bold with strength in my soul" Ps 138. I know that one day I will sing on these streets. I just need a song.

Explanation

"If you don't know what an extrovert is thinking/feeling, you haven't listened.
If you don't know what an introvert is thinking/feeling, you haven't asked."