nearing 27

Its midnight. I’m trying. Trying to write, trying to live outside of my boundaries. Trying to love Jesus. I’m not actually doing anything that would be said as “loving Jesus”, but in my heart I am aware.

My season is changing. I have felt it in my heart, heard it on the wind, smelt it in rain. My twenty-seventh birthday is coming up so soon, and I remembered thinking about being 27 when I was a little girl, normally it was when we were talking about our dreams and our lives as far as what big things we were going to do at certain ages. My big age was 27 and 28, unlike my friends, whose big ages were 20 and 21. Maybe I knew back then that it would take me a while to grow up and become stable, in some sense of the word, or maybe I was just prophetic. With that in mind, I was thinking about these last years in KC and how difficult it has been. And I was asking the Lord about all of it, about the meaning behind the pain, etc. I was asking him what was in store for me for this next year of my life labeled 27. We came back to Isaiah 62. I bawled my way through it again, this time out of The Message.

Here it is. Still, I love Jesus. Still, worship is my favorite expression. Still, I need Him. Still, He is so good. Through all of our years together, still he wants me. Still, he fights for me. Still, he is worthy. Still he is beautiful.