I hate the word Co-Dependency

I hate the word Co-Dependency. I hate that I fit into the very definition of that word, well, outside of the dictionary making it primarily about alcohol and heroin addiction…, and I hate it even more that my relationships tend to look like those that are described in the:
“You’re CO-Dependant! That sucks for you, pay me 13.95 and I’ll fix it for you, Subtitled: HA SUCKER! JUST KIDDING, I have no idea how to fix this” books.

So there you have it. Anyone’s radar up yet? I know mine is. I hate the fact that I can pick out who I would have a bad relationship with based on how attracted to them I am upon first meeting, in order to later, recant every nice and thoughtful thing I said because I all of the sudden realize that I am in YET ANOTHER one of these dreadfully labeled things. What’s it called? Oh, yeah. A relationship with another human.

So I was talking to a fellow co-dependant (he’s just discovered the horrible truth about his style of relating) and obviously we are trying to dance around the possibility of us becoming such. We feel healthy right now, but oh Lordy! Watch out! A little too much time together and WHAMMO! It’s lights out for yet another possible yet not because well…”you’re not my ideal, and I can’t handle the fact that you are not perfect in the one way that I want you to be perfect, even though everything else fits like a glove” (I’m not bitter.) Anyway! I’ve come to the satisfying conclusion that the world, my world, did not fall around my ears when I found out I had this relational disease. And that in fact probably 99.99% of all other humans on the earth potentially struggle with it in some form or another. Therefore I must not worry my pretty head about the small day to day interactions with fellow fallen image bearers. Because in the wild scheme of things: humans are humans. And yes, I can hear Josiah Nelson already, we DO need to pursue whole healthy relating styles that are Christ centered at their core, as well as being true and authentic in their expression. I concur with that statement Josiah, I’m glad I said it first… ;-)

Because isn’t the problem in the fact that we are all trying to pursue a new version of Christ centered living that includes the all essential element of community (what ever the hell that means)? Isn’t the problem that in the increased awareness of community things that we begin to realize slowly but surely that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory, but we died, and our life is now hidden with Christ in God? When Christ who is our life appears, we shall also appear with him in glory. I know I am mixing verses, I just really like that verse... Fallen, but being redeemed. That’s the process, and not being afraid of it just being merely that has been my journey as of late. Sure I’m going to screw up in my co-dependant ways again, but I’ll get up again, and I’ll live and I’ll die again.

In my old age, I have discovered that the only thing I really know is that I don’t know anything, and that I don’t have to be afraid of that fact, because no one else really knows either. We are all just hanging out like amebas in a Petri dish going from here to there, bumping into each other. I obviously don’t think that we are alone in the process, but sometimes that’s how I feel, or actually what it looks like to me.

The big point, the massive struggle for me is, “LIVE!” Live fully, embrace the pain of hope and shun fear at every step, cause it’s just waiting there in the shadows to pull me back in to the bubble that was always too small for me, to put back on fetters that have rubbed scars into my wrists and ankles, and made me small.

I have more to say about this, it’s still forming in my growing brain/heart connection. It’ll have a vein soon.

Thanks for wading through this.